Sex as it Should be: The Naked Grapefruit Answers your Questions

Naked Grapefruit is looking to normalise female pleasure. They want make it normal for women to speak about pleasure, to learn about their bodies, explore them and not be shamed for "wanting a fucking orgasm". Unfortunately it is still a taboo subject - unlike cis male pleasure - with female and queer sex education taking the backseat in mainstream education and culture. This has left many with unanswered questions about their sex life and unaware of the resources available.

To help combat this, we have worked on a sex column with Vic, the founder of Naked Grapefruit. We asked Sick Love readers on Instagram to send in questions about pleasure they felt had so far been unanswered, so Vic could help them understand and enjoy their sexuality.

Check out the Naked Grapefruit website for more resources.

How to enjoy your sex life when penetration is painful!

Pain during penetration is actually pretty common for lots of women, but it’s something which is rarely spoken of. It was something I suffered from at college, I went to the doctors who didn’t really know what it was or how to diagnose it, so I spent quite a long time wondering what the fuck was wrong with me. I discovered later that the whole thing was a mental issue, linked to anxiety and stress. Turns out this is often the case, so it’s massively important to be fully comfortable and communicate openly with your partner when engaging in penetrative sex to avoid any issues.

On top of that, foreplay, when it’s done right, it’s often better than the main event. Our focus on penis-in-vagina as the holy grail of sexual expression means we’re missing out on a whole load of other fun. I’d recommend trying to focus on other areas, which you find more pleasurable - over 75% of women need their clit stimulated in order to orgasm.

A lot of our reviews mention that having a clitoral vibrator has helped them overcome vaginismus and enjoy their sex life, so this may be a good place to start. That’s the sales pitch out of the way anyway.

I am currently in a heterosexual relationship; however, I’ve been struggling with my sexuality and have recently figured out I am bisexual. How do I tell my partner? I don’t want to offend him or make him think I am unhappy.

First of all, stoked!!!!!! It’s great that you’ve figured this out and it’s an important moment for you, so it’s only natural you’d want to share your discovery with your partner. Whilst everyone’s different, imo the best way to approach would simply be by having an open and honest chat with him. Let him know whether this is something you want to act on, how you feel about it etc. and try to understand his reaction. Don’t worry if you’ve not figured everything out beforehand, it’s fine. Equally, if you have figured it out and wanna explore, tell them that. Simples (I know it’s not really).

If you’re worried that your partner will react poorly, consider talking to a professional, a loved one, or a queer friend first who may relate a bit to what you are going through.

How to manage sex, expectations and kinks as a rape survivor.

This completely depends on the individual, just know that there is no right and wrong way to explore yourself, everything is equally valid! The lack of information on this is shit, so we tried to touch upon this subject earlier in the year, when we collaborated with Roisin Ross, an independent sexual health advisor on how to regain sexual freedom after sexual trauma. You can have a look here:

Queer sex is never taught in schools and still often not talked about on many sex positive platforms, do you know any good queer resources?

There definitely needs to be more of a spotlight on queer sex and the experiences of queer people generally. I am in no way an expert on the subject but I do find the resources shared by @awholeorange, @queerbible and @lgbt_history on Instagram to be insightful and interesting. This may be a good place to start and then delve down the rabbit hole from there.